Prologue

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◆ The Punishment of Living in Vain

A gentle redness gradually filled my vision. It was painful. The warmth, sticky and suffocating, enveloped my entire body, intensifying an indescribable sense of discomfort.

I felt an intense sense of pressure and a painful sensation as though my body was being crushed. It felt like my body was being squeezed.

--- Is this hell?

Desperate to escape from this hell, I struggled frantically. The place, which had once felt warm and peaceful, had turned into a hell ruled by pain and suffering. Fearful of this transformation, I struggled, struggled, struggled to escape...

There was only one chance for escape. To slip through a narrow gate.

As I pushed forward, light burst forth, and my vision was consumed by it. Yes, I had succeeded in escaping. What, what was that? Before I could even feel relief from my desperate escape, I was tormented by a different sense of discomfort.

--- My entire body is exposed to the lukewarm air.

I gasped, almost ravenously, opening my mouth. Something sticky was expelled from my mouth in large quantities, creating a space in my chest, and I began to breathe. I took a deep breath, trying to fill my deflated lungs with air. My lungs expanded rapidly, and I heard the unpleasant sound of my ribs creaking.

I could feel my chest expanding with a cracking sound. I understood it. It felt as if my body was being reconstructed. Whenever the immature bones inside tried to regain their proper shape, pain and fear relentlessly overwhelmed me.

An unknown fear and pain overtook me. That situation was everything I was experiencing now.

--- Amidst this, I suddenly understood.

Right, babies cried because they couldn’t bear the pain. If they didn’t scream to drown out a pain so intense, it could drive them mad. No... that wasn’t it. The fear and pain had washed away the memories etched into my soul, and I was being reborn as something pure.

However, I was not granted the benefit of forgetting.

While the pain continued, I... was overwhelmed by something completely different, unable to even cry. The shock was so great that "I"... "me"... "myself"... I was enveloped in it.

On the day I was born, the memories of an elderly man settled within me.
Those were the memories of a man who had lived “before I was born”...

--- The memories of an old man who had given up on everything in life.

―――　§　―――　§　―――

The memories of an elderly man leading a gloomy, miserable life became ingrained in my mind as I was born. An old man, forced to live an unfortunate and miserable life, was born into this world with a heart filled with resignation.

A world far removed from the previous life. I came to understand that I had been born into a world where a class system determined everything, far from the democratic and free society of my past life. I understood this because, at the time of my death in my previous life, the god of that world had spoken to me. They told me that as punishment for living in vain, my soul would be sent to a completely different world...

"You'll be born into a completely different world where freedom of action is completely suppressed in everything."

In that empty, white space, I was not given time to comprehend what was happening to me. The god spoke to me in a domineering, conclusive manner, indifferent to my circumstances, simply stating the facts. I was never given a chance to protest. It was always like that. When I was discarded, it was in an instant.


--- Lived in vain?


The god must have seen it that way. Had I been observed? No, perhaps I was simply found by chance. Because, in my previous life, there must have been many others like me around. No, wait... maybe that’s just how it appeared to me. Maybe I wanted to see it that way. Perhaps everyone was living their lives in some meaningful or selfish way.

But I couldn’t do that.

Raised by so-called toxic parents in my previous life, without any expectations, I grew up with violence, neglect, and ignorance. I lived with resignation in everything. I never sought any emotional connection, always living as someone’s pawn. The moment I expressed my own desire, everything would be crushed. This was a continuous series of events.

After a harsh childhood, I spent time in an orphanage due to my parents’ neglect, where I completed my mandatory education. In that situation, I never received higher education and ended up working in a company that required manual labor, where I was used up and discarded. The company dormitory was in a worse condition than a prison cell, and the seventeen-hour workdays crushed my spirit.

No one would help me in life. I had no strength to escape from that place. I couldn’t muster the will to change or break free from my current situation. I had even lost sight of the purpose of living. I simply moved through life, living like a puppet, doing nothing but working, eating, and sleeping. In a job with a high turnover rate, my colleagues were never consistent, and the so-called old-timers never bothered to properly train me, especially considering my social awkwardness. No one taught me anything.

As the days and years passed, I accomplished nothing and lived every day as mere menial labor. I had nowhere to go, so despite the harsh conditions, I was stuck in that place. My meager salary was mostly siphoned off as rent for the dormitory, which resembled a prison, leaving me with less than a tenth of the amount on my pay slip. After buying daily necessities, there was hardly anything left...

The dorm room was almost bare, with just a bed and bedding to sleep on. There was a small table for writing, a few writing instruments, and a few notebooks for jotting down reminders. Old books and magazines left behind by former colleagues who had quit, company-issued uniforms, and my own purchased underwear—those were all I had.

　

--- A life-changing encounter?


There was nothing like that. The factory and dormitory were next to each other, located in a rural area, so there were few visitors, and the environment was largely ignored. Those who found jobs there also had their own problems and tended to avoid interaction with others.

So, I simply grew older, spending my days doing menial tasks. My only enjoyment was reading the books left behind by former colleagues. Eat, sleep... Even if I caught a cold, I couldn’t go to the doctor. On top of that, I was never allowed to rest. I chewed on over-the-counter medicine and dragged my exhausted body through the years.

--- The last day in my previous life.


Over time, the company I worked for seemed to have run its course, suffering from social obsolescence, and it came to an end. I had no pension, no severance, and reached retirement age with no place to go. With my body broken from years of hard labor, I stood in the back of the dormitory scheduled for demolition, staring blankly at the blue sky as time passed uselessly. Then, suddenly, a sharp pain shot through my chest.

The self-destruction of my body, caused by pushing myself beyond my limits. A heart attack.

I simply surrendered myself to resignation, and as my consciousness faded, I felt no regret. Perhaps I even felt a sense of relief, thinking that I could finally escape the chain of emptiness.

Without anyone to witness my death, without anyone to recognize it, I was just another "worn-out, meaningless thing" that had been used up and lost.

--- And then I arrived at the white world.

Was my entire life a sin? Was I not even allowed to hope for the next life? If that’s the case, then this god must be unbelievably unreasonable. I felt a sense of floating, as though I was being discarded from the white world. I was caught in the sensation of falling from a great height. The white world turned black, and my senses closed off... I was pressed into a small, dark world where I could only feel the faint beat of my heart.

...So, this was the punishment that had been executed upon me.

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