Chapter 100 - The Weight on My Heart, the Path of My Thoughts
With the memories of my previous life, I knew of many different fates that had befallen certain kinds of "exceptional individuals." These "symbols," who suddenly appeared on the stage of history like brilliant beacons of light, would be celebrated and exalted for a time. What happened afterward, however, depended on how the powers that be regarded them.
Being taken into the fold was the better outcome. More often, they became an eyesore and were eliminated. Even if they overcame such opposition and went on to establish a new dynasty, it would still come to an end if no one capable of carrying on their legacy emerged. In many of the historical accounts and stories I knew, the success of these "exceptional individuals" came at the cost of their own people's future. They were nothing more than "fleeting flashes of brilliance in history." When one considered what came afterward, their achievements rarely lasted even a single generation.
In a world where magic existed, this reality would only be accelerated.
Precisely because I understood that, there was no way I could live such a life. I was one of those that did not have the special quality needed to be exceptional. I had been reborn into this world as the price for having lived my previous life in vain. In other words, I was one of those who were not special, living in this world as an ordinary person to atone for my sins.
In a sense, I was no different from the Estarians. That was why, like them, I needed to move forward steadily, one step at a time, just as the others who were not special did. I could not afford to push myself beyond my limits—and I would not.
―――
After returning to the "Fort," I set about compiling a report on this expedition. Putting things into writing was an extremely effective way to establish the facts. I began without delay to prevent my memories from becoming vague. I needed to gather detailed records and preserve them. They would form the foundation for all future expeditions. To construct a tall, massive building, one first had to prepare a foundation that was deep, broad, and sturdy. Otherwise, it would easily collapse. Knowing that, I could not afford to neglect this work.
In my office, I filled page after page with everything I could recall. I recorded events in chronological order: what had happened, what I had done in response, what I had been thinking at the time, and how the special task force had reacted. It was all to make the invisible visible. The "exploration map," packed with all sorts of information, would prove immensely useful in the future.
Then I recorded the greatest obstacle blocking our path forward.
"High-Density Ambient Mana"
Unless we overcame this obstacle, we would never be able to proceed any farther. After finishing my series of notes, I pondered deeply over what to do about it. A breeze swept through my office, carrying the scent of grain to my nose. So, it was already harvest season.
Across the farmlands, farmers were hard at work harvesting the bounty of the earth. Food production was directly tied to a region's economic strength. It was not something that could be treated carelessly. As a member of a knightly family myself, I had a duty to concern myself with the fundamentals that sustained our territory. That was why I also bore a share of the administrative responsibilities.
When my eldest brother eventually inherited the title, my responsibilities in that regard would expand even further.
If... if I had not possessed the mana capacity of a count, I would never have gone to study at the Royal Capital's Magic Academy. Instead, I would probably have worked hard to support my two elder brothers within our knightly family. My brothers, both superior in martial prowess, would have led the family, while I strengthened the foundations beneath them. That was how I imagined things might have turned out. My thoughts scattered in every direction as I gazed blankly at the ceiling. Then, a voice suddenly addressed me. My wandering consciousness snapped back into focus, and I immediately recognized its owner.
"Let me celebrate your safe return. In the holy names of the gods and spirits, I offer you my heartfelt blessing on your return."
"Thank you. I appreciate your words of blessing."
"...What's wrong? You're staring off into space. Is something troubling you?"
As usual, the one barging into my office without the slightest hesitation was my friend. His attendant stood waiting behind him. Though his appearance had become fixed as that of a "woman," his mind remained that of a "man." Just as he had been at the Magic Academy, my friend still acted without the slightest hesitation. Considering the hardships his attendants must endure in his service, I had made a habit of silently bowing to them in greeting.
"I was thinking about the factor hindering our expedition."
"The dense ambient mana?"
"Oh? You knew about it?"
"I accompanied you almost all the way to where you were headed. How could I fail to understand something like that?"
"I suppose that's exactly what you'd say."
"So, how did the 'face mask' perform?"
"I've already compiled a report on how it performed. I was planning to bring it to you later."
"I want to hear it now. What was the general impression?"
"The test results were excellent. Even after moving around for long periods in areas with dense ambient mana, the mask made it less likely for symptoms of 'mana sickness' to develop. I believe we can consider it a useful 'magic tool.'"
"Will you continue using it from now on?"
"I've concluded that it will be essential equipment for the special task force accompanying future expeditions."
"Hmm... I'll have them mass-produced and make enough to distribute to the entire guerrilla unit."
"Please do. Also, we managed to bring back a variety of materials from this expedition. Since the expedition was both a personal undertaking and an official duty, it is difficult to determine who rightfully owns these materials. The magic crystals must be submitted to the high-ranking countess's house, but as for the other materials... there should be no problem with us deciding how to use or dispose of them ourselves."
"You're being awfully roundabout. What are you getting at?"
He should already understand what I was getting at. Yet he was making me spell it out so he could get an explicit commitment from me. I knew that, to My Friend, the elaborate phrasing favored by nobles was nothing but a nuisance. However, his attendants were also members of noble families. That meant I had to be mindful of their position as well.
If I failed to show my friend the proper respect, I would incur their resentment. And if that happened, the Archmage who stood behind him would undoubtedly come barging in, making the whole situation impossible to contain. It would be an enormous nuisance for my friend, of course, but his noble rank was far higher than mine, so I wished he would put up with a little of it.
"I want you to help me figure out a way to prevent 'mana sickness' in areas of dense ambient mana. In exchange, you can have the materials."
"Oh? So that's to be the subject of your research."
"It has absolutely nothing to do with ordinary people. If things go wrong, it could even be regarded as a weapon. That is precisely why I'm asking you to undertake this as a formal 'commission' from me. I want it to be a request for the development of a 'magic tool,' with compensation provided."
"Mm, good. That's excellent. If it's a paid 'commission,' I won't have to put up with everyone around me grumbling about it. All right, you've compiled the relevant information, haven't you?"
"Right here."
"Hand it over."
He snatched up the report I had written on the conditions in the "Middle Forest" and rapidly scanned its contents. A light kindled in my friend's eyes. All sorts of insights must have been racing through his mind. Before long, a dark, alluring grin spread across his face. Perhaps he had thought of something. True to habit, my friend abruptly voiced a new "demand."
"Arrange for one dyer and one clothing artisan."
"Would it be better if they possessed the 'Craftsmanship' skill?"
"That would make things easier."
"What have you come up with? It had better not be anything troublesome."
"I remembered a byproduct that came about while I was researching the 'face mask.' Well, I can't be certain yet, so I'll make a prototype."
"...I see. I'll make the arrangements. Should I have them come to the 'Fort'?"
"If the goal is to keep the information confidential, then yes. You had a high-temperature furnace running here in the 'Fort,' didn't you? Let me use it."
"Understood. I'll discuss it with the master craftsman."
"Call me when everything is ready. I'll conduct some preliminary research in the meantime. Leave everything to me and rest easy! After all, I'm a 'genius'!"
My friend hurried out of my office. His attendants, seeing their master's behavior deviate so far from the etiquette expected of a high-ranking noble's son, offered me a deep, apologetic bow. I gave them a wry smile and waved my hand, signaling that they needn't worry about it. That was simply how my friend was, and I accepted him as he was. In fact, I was even grateful for the miracle that allowed us to speak so frankly with each other.
If we were to bring our respective positions into the conversation—the second son of a high-ranking count's family and the third son of a knightly family—there would be no way we could speak to each other as we did.
My friend's attendants also seemed to appreciate the way I showed him respect. Perhaps they saw it as keeping their free-spirited master on a leash and under supervision. That was certainly an outrageously presumptuous way to look at it. Still, I might serve as an anchor to keep my friend from flying off somewhere. If they were grateful to me for that, I had no objection. I only hoped they would accept my way of conducting myself in that particular sense.
Within the kingdom's aristocratic society, I stood even below the lowest rung. For someone of noble status to acknowledge me at all, despite my being an ordinary man no different from the common folk, was already more than I could ask for. Even so, I found myself feeling a faint revulsion toward the kingdom's nobility.
In a feudal society, failing to understand the rules meant you would "die"—both physically and socially. With the memories of my previous life, I could not help but feel intense stress at having to live within a rigid hierarchy of absolute social status. Just as the so-called "god" who had once sent me into this world had said, I was far from free to act according to my own "free will" in everything I did.
In that respect, I realized that the words of that so-called "god" had hit the mark. I could feel the suffocating constraints of the social hierarchy twisting around me like invisible chains. Yet I knew exactly what I needed to do to clear away the resentment festering in my heart.
I rose to my feet and decided to head for the top floor of the watchtower.
For me, a person who possessed "memories of another world," it was a place where I could take a breather.
I couldn't shake the feeling that various factors were converging to direct the course of our expedition. The "imperial command," the "will" of the Estarian elders, and the direction of my own "curiosity"... It felt as though some unseen force were compelling them all to point toward that "tower." Was I being summoned?
That strange illusion had taken hold of me and refused to let go. Perhaps I needed to take a moment to look inward and examine myself...
――― My heart was yearning to ascend the "watchtower." ―――
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